


Replant These Lives

by FrozenVoid



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Serious Injuries, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7890910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenVoid/pseuds/FrozenVoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a risk, a sacrifice Will is ready to make.<br/>No one will stop him from saving his brother. </p><p>It's a risk, a sacrifice Connor knows he can't stop.<br/>No one will stop him from staying by Will's side. </p><p>It's a sacrifice Jay isn't ready to make.<br/>No one will let it happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like any medical fiction, please bare with any medical inaccuracies along with law/legal ones as well (and possibly bullet facts too)

The first sense of Will to awaken was that of smell. Burnt toast filled the air as his eyes awoke sun shining into the room. He groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut. Resting on his stomach, he lifted his head, flexed his shoulders and fell right back on his pillow, a morning where the body just doesn’t want to get up.  He opened his eyes again when a small yelp from the kitchen reached his now awake hearing. He let out a sigh as he reached for his phone on the night table and rolled onto his back. The sight of the time was like a jolt from a crash cart. He flung the covers off and reached for his discarded clothes on the ground.

Connor was scraping butter on a burnt piece of toast when Will came bursting in. “Happy Monday, Garfield,” Connor said with a grin. When he got no response he turned and watched as Will knelt down and put his shoes on. “Where you running to?”

“I told you last night I had to stop by my place in the morning,” Will huffed as he grabbed his bag.

“You’ve got time, at least eat.”

Will glanced at the burnt toast as he rushed up and gave Connor a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m good.”

“Coffee?” Connor called out to Will’s retreating form.

“What coffee?” The door slammed behind Will. Connor spun and looked around the counter where no coffee was brewing.

=

Jay clipped his badge to his pants as he poured himself a cup of his much remembered coffee. He heard the locks to the front door click. He turned, mug to his lips as Will appeared from behind the door. Jay gulped his coffee and smiled at his brother. “Well, hello to you.”

“Hey,” Will drops his bag and disappears down the hall. Jay twitches his head at the short greeting. He follows Will into his brother’s bedroom.

 “You disappeared last night.”

Will is looking through his books. “Yeah.”

Jay watches his brother for a few seconds. “Are you okay?” Will continues to shuffle through the books.

“Will!” Will jumps at his brother’s raised voice.

“What?”

“Is everything okay?”

As if finally waking up, Will shakes his head and smiles. “Yeah, I’m just, running late. Had to stop by to pick up, ah, _Gray’s Anatomy_! Reese said she didn’t own a copy, so I’m giving her one of mine.”

“One of yours?”

Will stood up straight and shrugged. “I may have a few copies.”

Jay shook his head and laughed. “Seriously though, where’ve you been these pass few nights?”

Will smiles and shrugs as he passes Jay out of his room. He goes to his bag and puts the book in before he heads to the kitchen.

“Is it a girl?” Jay follows Will into the kitchen. “Come on, tell me. At least tell me I don’t have to worry about you.”

“Aw, you worry about me?” Will turned and gave Jay a teasing smile; he lifts the empty coffee pot. “Really?” Jay takes a sip from his mug. Will puts the pot down and goes to the fridge, which is empty of anything immediately edible.

“Jay!”

“I’ve been busy and you’ve been gone, so…”

Will sighs. “I gotta shower,” he says as he passes Jay who’s downing the last of his coffee. Jay puts his mug in the sink.

“Hey, come home tonight,” he says.

Will laughs, “Miss me?”

Jay goes over to the couch and grabs his own bag. “I do.”

Will chuckles.

Jay points at Will. “And you’re going to tell me where you’ve been going!”

Will laughs. “Alright, Detective Halstead.”

“Damn right, Doctor Halstead.” 

Will waves Jay off and heads to the shower as Jay laughs and leaves the apartment.

=

Will felt the pang of hunger in his empty stomach as he pulled into the parking lot where lights were flashing and sirens blaring.

He rushed out of his car and into the bustling ED.

“You’re late!” He was reprimanded immediately by Maggie. 

“I know!”

“Nice of you to join us, Dr. Halstead,” Connor jokes as the two men fly pass each other. Will gives him a look but grins to himself. He flings his bag into is locker and heads straight too work.

=

Will can feel the fatigue setting in as he tears bloody gloves off his shaking hands and tosses them into the contaminated bin. He gives the patient he lost one last glance before he leaves the room.

Will sits down heavily on the couch in the lounge. He gets hit with a sudden wave of dizziness and leans forward, elbows on knees, head in hands. Time becomes nothing to him.

“Dr. Halstead?” a quiet voice asks. Reese. Will leans back and gives her a small smile.

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just…exhausting day.”

Reese gives a sad nod.

“Did you need something?”

“Oh! No, I, I just saw you and…wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Will smiles at her. “I’m good.”

“Okay,” Reese smiles at him and nods, she turns to leave.

“Oh! Wait.” Will stands and heads over to his locker. “Here,” he pulls out the copy of _Gray’s Anatomy_.

Reese takes it, surprised. “Oh.”

“Yours. To keep.”

Reese looks up at him. “Oh! Thank you!”

Will chuckles, “Well, shame on you for not having one!”

“I…had one…on reserve at the library.”

Will shakes his head with a smile.

“Thank you, Dr. Halstead.”

He nods and goes to sit back down in the position he was, his hands tremble. As Reese leaves, Dr. Manning enters. She catches Will’s shaking hands before he can make a fist.

“You okay?” She asks as she goes to her locker.

“Running on empty,” he says as he rubs his hands together. She turns to him. “Haven’t eaten anything today.”

“What are you sitting around here for then?”

Will huffed. Natalie closes her locker and stands before Will. “Go get something to eat, before you become a patient.”

Will looks up and smiles at her, she holds her hand out. He grabs it and rises from the couch, with a little help from her. They look each other in the eye for a second.

“You know what I like.”

Will laughs. “Mustard?”

“Of course!”

=

Will was just about at the sliding doors of the ED before a hand gripped him on his bicep.

“Dr. Halstead, a minute, please.” Connor says with a smile as he pulls Will to an empty room.

“Rhodes, come on, I need to get food,” Will whines.

April, hands full of folders, watches as Connor pulls Will into the room and slides the door and curtain shut. She hands Maggie the folders and they share a look. April gestures to the room. A sly smile graces Maggie’s face.

“No.” April says in slight, but not total disbelief.

Maggie puts a finger to her lips. April mimes with a nod, but raised eyebrows.

=

“Connor plea-” Will is cut off by a kiss. He’s annoyed but the kiss is nice. When it ends Will simply says, “Food.”

“Should’ve had my toast.”

“Was it even still toast?”

“Yes and it was delicious.”

Will stares into Connor’s eye.

“Okay it was gross but at least I put something in my stomach.”

Will pushes Connor back as the trauma surgeon laughs. Muffled sirens are heard approaching. Will closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Connor cringes as Will gives him a death glare.

“Sorry.”

Connor slides open the curtain and door as Brett and Jimmy rush in with a bloody victim.

“What do we got?” He asks as he shifts into doctor mode. Will follows and spots Detective Lindsey rushing in.

“9mm, hollow point, we think it struck his liver,” Brett explains.

“He coded on the way over,” Jimmy adds.

“Erin?”

At the call of her name, Erin spots Will and he sees her tearstained face. He rushes to the side of the gurney and sees it’s his brother. A wave of nausea rushes over him.

“Oh my God, Jay.” Will follows the gurney into the room but remains hovering over Jay, tears welling in his eyes.

“Jay!”

“Get an OR prepped, now!” Connor shouts.

Connor is yelling directions but Will can’t make any sense of it as he stares at his brother lying motionless, soaked in blood.

“Maggie, get him outta here!”

Gentle but firm hands grip his arms and lead him out. The shock and fatigue doesn’t allow him to put up a fight, or even get a level head to help medically, and he hates it. He hates that he didn’t immediately try and save his brother, that all his training and dedication to medicine and saving lives that when a person he loves needs him to be there he can’t. He froze. He finds himself on his hands and knees with a hand on his back.

“Breath, Will, breath.”

It’s hard to. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to focus on his breathing. The sound of wheels makes him rise shakily. Emerging from the room, doctors and nurses rush his dying brother to the prepped OR.

Will closes his eyes and hangs his head trying to catch his breath as Maggie supports him.

=

Will lays on the couch in the lounge sporting the hundred yard stare. After Erin filled him in on what happened, he couldn’t bear to be around anyone as the detectives flowed in. His conversation with Voight echo’s in his mind.

_“Did you get them?”_

_“Every last one of them.”_

_“…good.”_

Will let out a shaky breath and placed and hand over his eyes. He felt the panic being too well up again and he tried to keep the tears at bay. 

“Will?”

Will didn’t hear the door open. Natalie leans over him, holding a bottle of water and a sandwich. She holds them out for him. “You need to eat.”

Will’s stomach has gone numb by now, but he sits up and takes the offering. She sits down next to him. He places the sandwich next to him and cracks the cap on the bottle. He turns to Natalie.

The doctor part of Will can sense that’s not why Natalie’s here.

“What happened?”

She doesn’t answer him.

“Natalie!” She jumps at his raised voice.

She looks at him, seeing the desperation and worry in his eyes.

“His liver is…it’s unsalvageable. He’s going to need a transplant.”

Will looks away and looks down at the bottle of water he uncapped. He puts the cap back and places the water down, rushing from the room.

“Will!”

=

Will raced up to the desk in the ED.

“Maggie! Who’s the transplant surgeon in?”

“Uh, Dr. Ambrose, why?”

“Get her on the phone, tell her to prep for an emergency liver transplant.”

Maggie looked at Will confused and unsure.

“Do it!”

“Dr. Halstead.”

Will turned to Goodwin, Dr. Charles and Manning behind him. “Let’s talk.”

Will gawked at them like they’ve lost their minds.

“My brother is going to die if he does not get a liver now! I’m a viable match and the only chance he’s got!”

“Dr. Halstead the tests that need to be done,” Goodwin’s voice remaining calm.

“Our blood is compatible, I’m B positive and he’s AB positive and our Rh type is the same and I haven’t eaten in over 8 hours and I'm healthy enough to  go through-“

Dr. Charles reached out and placed a hand on Will’s shoulder to slow him down.

“Will, you are under a lot of stress, physically and emotionally, you’re in no condition to be making-”

Will shoves Dr. Charles’s hand off him.

“I will not let my brother die when I have the chance to save him! I know the risks! I know the consequences!” Will took a breath and that single intake of oxygen seemed to drain him completely. “Please.” His voice got quiet. “Please let me do this.”

=

The minute Connor was informed of the situation, he swapped out. There wasn’t much more they could do for Jay and were in fact just about to close him up when they were told to standby for Dr. Ambrose.  

Connor ripped off his bloody attire and raced down the hall. He almost collided headlong into Goodwin as she emerged from the room, papers in hand. Connor looked at her and then the papers.

She shook her head and left.

Connor entered the room. Will was already in a gown as April was hooking up an IV. When Will saw Connor he looked away.

“April, give us a minute,” Connor said, still breathing heavy.

April looked between the two men and nodded.

She was barely out of the room before Connor went off.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“I have to do this!”

“You can’t do this! You’re in no shape! And the tests that have to be done to make sure it’s safe!”

“Jay doesn’t have that time!”

“Will…please don’t do this.”

“He’s my brother, Connor.”

Connor looked up at the ceiling, his eyes beginning to burn. He ran a hand over his face. He turned back to Will.

“You can die from doing this.”

“And Jay **will** die if I don’t!”

Their eyes locked, both glazed over with tears. Connor looked away first, turning his back to Will. His shoulders sagged, defeated.

“Okay,” he said.

He turned back to Will and sat down beside him on the bed. He placed his hand on the back of Will’s head.

“Okay,” Connor said again. He leaned in, gentling pushing Will’s head forward and placed a kiss on Will’s forehead. Will leaned in, burying his face in Connor’s shoulder. Connor wrapped his arms around Will.

“After this, when you wake up, there’s something I want to tell you.”

Will leaned back out of the embrace, looking at Connor. Will nods. Connor mimics and places one more kiss on Will’s forehead.

=

Will is wearing a black shirt and pants with no shoes as he walked down the hall. He didn’t know where he was going or why. He just kept walking. It felt like the right thing to do. Suddenly, a hall leading left appeared. He looked forward at the endless hall ahead of him.

Or down this new path where a door awaited him. He turned back to the endless hall.

_Will_

 A voice he knew but couldn’t place. He turned back to the door.

He chose that path.

When he reached the door he looked at it. He tried the knob. It was locked.

_Will_

He tried with both hands, trying harder.

_Will!_

He slammed his shoulder against the door and it flung open. He fell into the room with a grunt. He groaned as he lifted himself off the floor. He took in the room around him his breath visible yet he did not feel the chill.

In the middle rested two cold, hard, metal tables. Against one wall, two rows of six, square, metal doors with tabs on them lined it.

A morgue.

Will turned back to the door, but it was gone. He stared at the newly placed wall, unsure of what to do.

_Will_

He turned back towards the room.

_Will_

He stepped in, approaching the metal table. He looked down and saw his reflection. He rested his hand on the table. The cold burned him like fire and he drew back with a wince.  

_Will_

His attention was drawn to the doors that lined the wall.

_Will_

He approached one door, bottom row, fourth in from the right.

_Will_

He reached for the handle, it turned with ease.

_Will_

He began to open the door.

_Will_

The door was halfway open.

_William_

Will stopped and tilted his head.

“Mom?”

A hand gripped his wrist and yanked it off the handle as the door was slammed shut. Will was spun around and shoved up against the wall.

“What are you doing?”

Jay.

Jay, in a gray shirt and pants with no shoes, his side soaked in blood, stared hard into his brothers eyes. He shook his head.

“You can’t open that. Not now. Not yet.”

Will’s brow furrowed in confusion.

Jay released his grip on his brother and eased off gently. He took two steps back and shook his head.

“Not yet.”

There was a sudden high pitched, continuous screech.

Will reacted uncomfortably, the noise was piercing.

It began to get louder.  

Will groaned and he pressed his hands over his ears but it did nothing.

_William_

Will fell to his knees, leaning forward, pressing his head against the hard floor.

 “Not yet!” His brother shouted.

_William!_

The screech suddenly got a rhythm, a pulse. Will looked up at his brother wearily. Jay was speaking but he could not hear. His eyes drifted away from his brother and he felt himself falling.

_William_

=

Erin felt herself falling and jerked her head. It woke her up in her seat beside Jay’s bed. She groaned as she moved some hair out of her face. She watched Jay’s chest rise slowly and fall fast. Her eyes drifted to his pale face, the breathing tube covering the bottom half.

She stood up.

“I’ll be back,” she whispered, giving his hand a small squeeze before she left.

She made a swift exit from the hospital, avoiding the waiting room and ED. When she stepped outside to the night sky she took a gulp of the fresh air and let out a shaky breath. From her right, she was addressed.

“Hey.”

It was so small and so quiet, that if it was the bustle of the day she wouldn’t have heard it. She turned and saw Connor sitting on the ledge in front of some greenery.

“Hey,” she said quietly and joined him. They sat in silence, each other’s presence being enough comfort. Connor took a sharp intake of breath. Erin turned to him and saw the tears in his eyes.

“He died in there,” A tear fell from his eye. “I saw him die and-”

“Hey,” Erin cut him off. “They got him back. He’ll be okay.”

Connor squeezed his eyes shut, more tears flowing and shook his head. “He was gone long and…the damage that could’ve…and now this infection is-”

“Connor, Connor,” Erin stood up and knelt in front of Connor. “Will is strong. He’s gonna get through this. You can’t give up on him.”

Connor and Erin held eye contact.

“I never got to tell him.”

Erin took Connor’s hand.

“You will.”

=                                                                                                                       

Jay awoke on the operating table, clad in a gray with no shoes. He sat up slowly, pain shot through his side and he grunted as his hand shot up to where the pain was. He looked down; his shirt was soaked in blood on his right side. 

_Shot_

Jay’s head jerked up. He looked around the empty OR. It was just him, the table and four walls. One wall had glass taking up the top half, almost like one of their interrogation rooms. He groaned as he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stood up slowly, gripping his bleeding side. It took more effort than he thought it would. Hunched over, he placed a hand against the wall and tried to catch his breath. He straightened up and looked through the window.

It was an OR room, just like his.

In the middle was a table and on it was a body, wearing the same clothes as himself.

Except in black.

And like him, blood soaked through the clothes on the right side.

Except it poured out, flowing onto the floor.

And despite the person’s head being turned where he couldn’t see the face, Jay knew his brother well.

“Will?”

Jay placed his bloody hand against the glass. He watched his brother’s blood drip to the floor.

“Will!”

He banged on the glass.

“Will!”

Slowly, Will’s head turned towards him.

Jay laid his hand on the blood smeared glass and watched his brother.

Will turned to him and they locked eyes.

“Will,” Jay whispered.

A small smile caressed Will’s face.

The glass shattered before Jay.

=

Connor sat with his eyes closed and listened to the steady, rhythmic, heartbeat.

He does this every day, at least once, get lost in the sound of the heartbeat that once ceased.

Connor opened his eyes. His eyes started at lifelines spiking on the screen. His eyes fell to Will, intubated and flushed. He reached out and took his warm hand.

“Jay’s awake.”

He ran circles with his thumb on Will’s hand.

“He knows. We didn’t even have to tell him and he knew what you did.”

He grips Will’s hand.

“I have to go.”

Connor stands, still holding Will’s hand.

“I’ll be back later.”

He leans forward and places a kiss on Will’s hot forehead.

Connor runs his hand through his red hair before reluctantly creating space between them.

=

“Don’t go,” Will whispers.

He sits like a child in the morgue on the metal table, his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around his leg, face buried in his knees.

_Will_

“Connor.”

_Will_

“Jay.”

_Will_

“Someone.”

_Will_

He places his hands over his ears, it does nothing.

_Will_

“Stop.”

_Will_

“Stop it, Mom.”

_Will_

“I don’t want to go.”

_Will_

“I DON’T WANT TO GO!”

The room jolts, Will falls to the floor.

_Clear!_

Will lets out a grunt as he grips his chest.

_Will_

“I’m sorry.”

_Clear!_

The room jolted again and Will landed on his back. His breath was labored. He felt the floor begin to move. He looked up and saw he was on table sliding into one of the fridges.

“No!”

_Will_

He tried to sit up.

_Clear!_

The room jolted again and he slammed back against the cold metal table.

“No, please.”

He turned to his side and leaned over the side of the fridge, trying to hold against the force pulling him in. He felt like he was hanging off the edge of a cliff.

“I don’t want to go.”

_Will_

“Stop it, Mom.”

_Will_

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t there for you.”

_Will_

“Please, Mom.”

_Will_

He was losing his hold, the pull becoming too strong.

**WILL**

Will’s head shot up.

“Connor?”

Like a yank, Will’s body was pulled in. He caught the edge of the fridge, and held on.

“No! Connor!”

**WILL**

His hold was slipping.

“Connor!”

He lost his grip.

He fell.

The fridge door slammed shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know the drill with medical mumbo jumbo  
> Look it up and throw it in a blender!  
> I tried, hope it makes sense

There was light.

Voices.

And a warmth.

But it drifted.

It’s fading.

Like a picture slowly burning.

What happened?

He can’t remember.

Connor?

What happened?

=

In the darkness and the silence, Will was there.

In the nothingness, his consciousness was present.

_Go home_

It wasn’t a voice, it wasn’t a thought, it was simply present.

**_What_ **

_Go home_

**_Where_ **

_With them_

**_How_ **

_Wake up_

**_From_ **

_Sickness_

**_Can’t_ **

_Go home_

**_Stop_ **

_Go home_

**_Why_ **

_Go home_

_Go home_

_Go home_

**_No_ **

****

****

****

**_=_ **

“How long?”

Connor looked up at Jay from his seat beside his hospital bed. The detective looked better than he had in the past few days despite his paleness and tired eyes. From how he was before, it’s a huge step up.

“Seven months come Tuesday.”

Jay scoffed.

“No one knew.”

“I’m his brother,” Jay turned to Connor. “Did he really think that I…would what, not love him anymore?” Jay grunted as a wave of pained coursed through him. Connor let Jay take a few deep breaths.

“He didn’t think that.”

“Then why?”

“He was scared of change. He never thought you wouldn’t love him, but he was afraid of how you would see him. Things like this can drastically change how you see someone, how you saw things; it’s just something we can’t help.”

Jay just shakes his head. He sighs and his shoulders sag in defeat.

“And you were okay hiding?”

“It never felt like hiding. I’m not one to preach my business and PDA was never my thing so keeping things quiet was never a burden on me.”

A silence fell between them.

“You should get some rest,” Connor said as he stood.

“When can I see him?”

“They’re moving him out of the ICU this afternoon to a private room. After that’s done and you’ve gotten some rest I’ll bring you to him.”

Jay nodded slowly and turned away. Connor could see the tears in Jay’s eyes and left the room.

=

Reese and April watched as Will was set up in his private room.

“He’s out of ICU so, that’s a good thing, right?” Reese asked.

“It is, the infection’s gone and his body is recovering…”

“But the coma…”

April shakes her head. “Now the testing, waiting and watching begin.”

Sarah watched as nurses set up IVs and monitors.

“This shouldn’t have happened.”

April sighed. “Sarah.”

“Someone wasn’t careful enough and now-”

“Hey!” Reese stops and looks at April. “Lives are in our hands every day and sometimes mistakes happen and people suffer and maybe even die. We all live with the possibility of being the one to make that fatal mistake; you can’t do your job without being prepared to live with that consequence. Was someone not careful enough? Yes, but we can’t dwell on that.”

Reese hung her head. “It’s just so…random.”

The nurses leave and their friend is left alone to continue his sleep.

=

Light seeped into the dark apartment as Connor entered. Closing and locking the door behind him he dropped his duffel bag on the floor. He took his shoes off and removed his jacket, putting them in their respectable places.

He stripped his clothes and took a hot shower, scrubbing a good two days’ worth.

For the past two weeks he’s barely been home. He rarely left the hospital and if he did it he never ventured far. He’d only return home when Goodwin told him, otherwise he was by Will’s side.

When Will wasn’t a living furnace anymore and the incision was no longer inflamed, he felt a little more comfortable returning home knowing Will’s infection was gone and that his body can finally begin to heal properly.

If only they knew what the stroke did.

MRI’s can only tell you so much. The midbrain suffered, not drastically, but there was damage.

Connor lets the hot water beat against the back of his neck as he hangs his head.

Of all things.

An air embolism.

He tries to think back as to when it could’ve happened.

The IV before surgery?

During surgery?

The syringe during his v-fib?

Connor ran his hand over his face.

He was fine.

He woke up.

He smiled.

He talked.

Then he just stopped.

Connor let out a shaky breath.

He remembers he could almost see the darkness in Will’s eyes swallowing him up.

How fast everything just…

Fell apart.

Connor finally let it out.

It’s not the first time he’s cried about all of this, but it is the first in true privacy. Where he can scream until his throat is raw, let his eyes burn with tears and let it all fall down his face.

He sinks to the floor of the shower and lets his body physically feel his emotions.

He doesn’t know how long he lays there on his side letting the water spray on him, but he decides it’s time to get out when he feels sleep creeping up.

He lies in bed on his stomach, facing the empty side. He stretches out his hand and feels the space. Despite still being crumpled from when he last lay there, the warmth is gone. Connor drew back his hand and closed his eyes.

=

It was quiet.

The voice was gone.

Who…was it?

Where was he?

What?

Suddenly he was choking.

And like a pop, noise returned, a high pitched beeping, feet running, hands grabbing.

He felt the roughness in his throat, the warmth on his shoulder, and the sting of the light.

_Will_

He coughed.

_Will_

The world slowed.

He began to become grounded.

_Will_

“Will can you hear me?”

He was laying back. Everything felt heavy. His legs, his arms, his chest. He could feel each rise, each expansion of his lungs. It slowed. Sound faded to nothing again and darkness embraced him.

=

 Jay sat beside his brother in a wheelchair; he tugged at his robe, wrapping himself tighter. He glanced at Connor, in sweats and a hoodie, who was asleep in the chair beside him, holding onto Will’s hand. He looks back at Will, who for the first time in a long time actually looks like he’s just…sleeping.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispers. He can feel himself getting worked up, his heart beating faster. He let out a grunt as he shifted. Recovery’s been slow. He hung his head as he tried to steady his breathing and blink out the tears forming in his eyes.

When he looked up the tears fell.

“Will?”

Will was looking at him.

“Connor.”

Jay reached out and shook the doctor.

“Connor!”

Connor woke with a start. He looked towards Jay in a haze of confusion and saw him staring forward. He turned towards Will and saw his opened eyes.

“Will?” Connor stood and leaned closer to Will, his heart pounding. “Will? Will, can you hear me?

Slowly, but surely, Will’s eyes drifted and locked onto Connor’s.

Connor smiled as tears filled his eyes. Will squeezed his eyes, trying to wake up more. Connor placed a gentle hand on Will’s face.

“Easy, easy, just keep your eyes on me.” Connor reached over and hit the call button on the side of the bed.

Jay stood up and came beside Connor. He wiped away his tears.  

Will’s eyes turn to Jay. He focused on him, but then his eyes drifted pass him to stare behind him, at the window.    

Will closed his eyes.

=

It wasn’t until a week later was Will able to stay awake for more than a couple hours or so. He didn’t talk much, he appeared responsive and aware of what was going on around him, but everyone saw and knew. He was fixated on the window.

Will grunted as April lifted his left arm up.

“That hurt?” she asked.

He gave her nothing.

She bent and stretched his arm and laid it back down. She took his hand.

“Can you squeeze my hand?”

Will didn’t look at her, nor respond in any way.  

“Okay,” April said quietly as she moved onto his legs.

Connor and Ethan watched from the hall.

“Do you think he’s just not talking or…can’t?” Connor asked.

“Give him time,” Ethan said.

“He hasn’t even asked what happened, what…why he’s…he just looks out the window.”

“Not really out.”

Connor and Ethan turned to Dr. Charles.

“He’s not looking out the window. He’s looking by it.”

Connor watched as Will’s gaze never wavers as April flexes his legs.

“You think he’s seeing something?” Ethan asked.

“A hallucination?” Connor added.

Charles tilted his head as he looked over Will. “In very rare cases, and I mean _rare_ cases, possibly less than one percent of stroke victims, do suffer from hallucinations, delusions or even psychosis.”

“Psy-psychosis?” Connor stammered. “You think that’s why he’s so…detached?”

“I’d need to sit down and talk with him more before I make any kind of diagnosis like that-”

“Please.”

Charles turned to Connor.

“It’s been a week and he’s…still asleep it feels.”

Ethan put a hand on Connor’s shoulder as the man hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Hey,” Charles said. Connor looked up at him. “We’ll figure it out.”

Connor took a deep breath as April joined their small circle. She let out a frustrated sigh.

“He’s got feeling in his limbs, but hard to say how much control. I honestly can’t tell if he can’t squeeze my hand or if he’s just not.”

April turned to look at Will.

“It’s like he’s further away each day.”

=

“An air embolism?” Ruzek questioned as he put the break on Jay’s wheelchair and sat down on a bench outside the hospital.

“It’s when air gets into the veins. That’s what caused the stroke,” Jay said as he took the bottle of water Ruzek offered him.

“Which caused the coma?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. What caused the air embolism?”

Jay took a drink of water then recapped it. “It happened either during or after the surgery, from an IV, maybe a needle.”

The two detectives sat in silence for a moment.

“Will’s tough. He’ll be as good as new in no time.”

Jay didn’t respond as he fiddled with the cap on his bottle.

“How have you been feeling?”

“They got me doing PT, eating a bit more solids, the whole recovery show. I’m good. I’m…perfect.”

He started to pick at the label. Ruzek watched.

“Jay.”

Jay stopped and stared at the small tears he made.

“They said that…that there was some damage to like, the midbrain or something, which controls a lot of things like nerves and motors and vision. You know all that important stuff.”

Ruzek watched as tears began to form in Jay’s eyes.

“He’s not responding, he’s just…staring off. They say he’s aware but he’s just not…”

Jay took a deep breath.

“I sat with him. He didn’t look at me once. I took his hand, nothing. He just,” Jays sighed. “He just looked out the window.”

“I don’t know what to say man. But hey,” Ruzek places a gentle hand on Jay’s shoulder. “He’ll get there. Halstead’s are tough; you guys don’t go down easy.”

Jay let out a small huff of a laugh.  

=

_It’s a beautiful day out. I wish I can be out in the sun._

She always loved the sun, the warmth. Chicago winters were so hard for her.

“Will?”

_Why not play ball with your brother?_

“Can we talk for a little?”

_Just watch out for the cars, okay?_

“Will?”

 _Did you hear me Will?  
“_ C _a_ n y _ou_ h _ea_ r m _e, W_ ill?”

**yes**

_Then where were you?_

**i’m here**

“Where are you Will?”

**here**

_I told you to watch him!_

Dr. Charles watched Will closely, he was sitting beside his bed, but Will was looking past him.

“Will, what do you see?”

Behind Dr. Charles, standing by the window looking out, was Will’s mother. She was wearing one of her summer dresses, the one with sunflowers on it. She turned to him, she was disappointed. She shook her head and turned back to the window. Her shoulders sagged and she wrapped her arms around herself.

**i’m sorry**

“What do you have to be sorry for Will?”

**i’m sorry mom**

Charles straightened up in his seat. He looked up across the bed.

Connor stood there, his arms crossed. He brought a hand up to his mouth and rubbed his face.

=

She was gone. He sat up slowly. His whole body ached. He felt heavy.

The light was low in his room. The curtains were drawn. He looked down at his hands. He raised them. His right shook, his left was steady.

He pulled his legs up. They were stiff. He stretched them out.

He straightened his back, trying to stretch. He felt a pull. He looked down and lifted his shirt.

He was bandaged up.

What happened?

His file hung at the foot of his bed.

He threw the sheets off. He closed his eyes as he took deep breaths, trying to find the strength.

He heard flapping.

He opened his eyes.

A bright red macaw was perched at the foot of the bed.

_So pretty._

“Will?”

Will glanced quickly to the doorway and saw Connor. He returned his gaze to the macaw.

Connor came in and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Will?” He took Will’s face in his hands and turned his head towards him. Their eyes locked for the first time in weeks. “Hey,” Connor said in a low voice.

Will looked at him, almost through him.

In a whisper he asked, “Do you see it?”

Connor froze, his hands falling from Will’s face to his shoulders. Will returned his attention to the bird picking its wing.

“See what Will?”

Connor can almost see something click behind Will’s eyes. Like a little bit of the Will before all this surfacing. He slowly turned back to Connor. They shared a silent moment, looking at each other.

Will’s brows furrowed together, his eyes glazed over with tears.

He knew.

“No.”

“Hey,” Connor whispered as he pulled Will to him.

“Nonono,” Will muttered.

“I’ve got you.”

Will’s no’s became screams.

As painful as they were to hear, they told Connor that Will was finally awake.


End file.
